you fall asleep (again) and wake up (again) with immense pain (throbbing) inside of your (throbbing) head of flame.
(you dreamt of pain that tore you open you dreamt of blood that painted your thighs in bright reds and then in dark blacks you dreamt of orgasms choking your throat you dreamt of screaming many names (none of which were his) you dreamt of turning the black the red blood into thickness you dreamt of a blood-cum soaked bed)
you sit up (slowly) and the headache (slowly) recedes into the (back) of your head (back) to soft forgetting.
(you smell your finger and enjoy the long-ago but still-familiar smell of tobacco on it (imagining or dreaming your fingernail to be brown with lighter spots dancing on it, your finger itself perhaps a cigarette and you wonder how black your throat is now) gently sniffing gently regret-ing in some fashion because you know you only have tabacco scented-ness because it would hurt him)
you are so (somehow) wanting to know (somehow) if you are (disgusting-ly) wet from the (disgusting-ly) dream of pain.
(you dip a hand and bring it back to your mouth tasting paper smoke and tasting yourself in a thing of white and yellow (and you wonder why you can't taste the red and black blood) and you lick and you suck and you sigh and suddenly taste tears)
you are now (lost) in this pain (lost) in this image (she) created selfish-ly and (she) is kissing him :
in your mind filled with smoke and blood and cum and tears.